Full Time Mom & Freelancer - 9 MONTHS IN
*Super transparent post ahead*
Welp. Freelancing with a baby is what I expected and also completely the opposite.
It’s definitely a lot harder than I thought, but in very different ways than I anticipated. I was expecting to have 3ish months of “maternity leave”- meaning I wasn’t going to complete or pursue any work during that time. Then I was going to jump back in and slowly but surely get back on track with continual work again.
UMMM… NOT SO MUCH.
Let me preface by explaining my type of personality. I love being productive and creative. I feel fulfillment when I can produce creative work that has purpose. So being at home all the time and taking care of a baby does not make me feel super great. I love my kid, SO MUCH, but I always knew even when I was pregnant that it was going to be hard for me to be at home so much and not be “working.” But even then I thought it was only going to be like that for a few months.
It’s been fairly slow work-wise, and I’d love to get out there and make connections but having a baby changes all that. Our family shares a car, so most days I am literally stuck at home. So then I thought I need to pursue work via online connections and self-promotion on social media. But turns out it takes soooo much time and I’m really not great at it. I have phases where I will be super motivated to get a good social media plan, and I brainstorm and come up with awesome ideas but I never get a chance to implement them.
Then I have conflicting thoughts… currently, I’d love to be working full time, but from home so I can have flexible hours and still take care of Lucas. Then I think, would I really have time to do all that? Would I end up having so much work that I’m super stressed and sleep even less? And I know I want to be present when I’m with Lucas; I don’t want to give all my energy to my work.
So if you wondered what it’s like to be a freelancer and full time mom… it’s a constant struggle. I love it, I hate it. I want to work more, I want to spend more time with Lucas. I feel like I’m in the middle of a tug-a-war game and I’m not sure where I land in my identity. No wonder I don’t know of many filmmaking full-time moms; it’s tough! It’s also been pretty hard to not have any family close by, so there’s not many people we can reach out to if we need a babysitter. (Mom & Dad, move here already please!)
When that need to create something builds up enough, I usually have to find or make up a project. So things I like to do are photoshoots with Lucas (because I mean come on he’s ADORABLE), film things around the house (I filmed something with Lucas recently that I’m hoping to finish soon!), cook something delicious, or build something.
Hahaha I hope this hasn’t been too negative of a post, just sharing my authentic self you know. ;) I know a LOT of other people can relate, so know that you’re not alone!
And to end on a positive note, God is good- so good. Over the last several months Frank has gotten promotions at work that helps SO MUCH when we’ve been mostly dependent on one income. I’ve gotten several really amazing projects and connections with people and agencies- some exciting things ahead! And Lucas is a joy and brightens up our life so very much! Sooooo if you need some video production work, send me a message and let’s talk! :)
Love you all!